Diary: the waking moments…

Why is it that every time I wake up, I feel like nothing I am completely new. As in the Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind – a fresh awakening, nothing matters. The person I was just one hour ago is completely different from who I am now… who am I now?

Although it being 4:17 is not exactly condusive to self-analysis…

Am finally starting to understand why people withdraw into themselves. Paranoia of being judged, of hurting people, etc. etc. etc. And it turns out to be so difficult to remain honest… if you overcompensate for honesty, you become brutal and hurt people. If you take care in what you say, before you know it, you’ve turned into a liar.

Time for me to get some sleep…

Diary: 2046

2046 by Wong Kar Wai… depressing, inspiring, confusing. Forced a whirlwind of thoughts and associations during and after the movie, all funneling down to one question: why? Why does this movie feel so tragic and why does it resonate with me, yet cause such a stir when juxtaposed against my life? Perhaps because, as with Murakami’s “South of the Border, West of the Sun”, it is what is wrong with our world. It is unnecessary pain caused by belief in archetypal roles perhaps – a sick society due to a sick framework.

Diary: a day in the world…

Someone sent this to me about a week ago… don’t remember who… THANK YOU – this is probably the funniest thing I’ve seen in ages 🙂

Strange things have been happening. Again that feeling of life being a Markov process: every moment independent of its history. Can’t figure out whether I am persuading myself of what I feel… if I am maturing or regressing… lines are blurred, what’s right and what’s wrong are turned upon their heads except in extreme situations. A perpetual haze possibly induced by not going to sleep when I should (half an hour ago)…

And now this paranoia of seeming conceited if I say all I think, which, in itself, is a sign of my immaturity. Or desire to be immature. Before this digresses into philosophical implications of my petty existence, I think I’ll end this completely pointless post.

Questions that worry me now:

1. Am I getting shafted by T-Mobile?
2. Does GSM cause head-aches?
3. When will I have time to work on eDebate?

This was taken in Hvar (if memory serves me rigth)… Hvar? HVar? H Var? H Variable? What the *%&# is the H Variable? Welcome to the peachy world of software associations. OK. Nerd humor over.

So I am hanging out with Catherine in Hvar and she says “Wow, that looks nice! Take a picture!” I had no idea what it was that looked nice, but took a picture anyway. And then, when I saw it, I was humbled. Catherine had me take a really cool (IMHO, of course) pic without even my being aware of it… except nominally of course, which, doesn’t count.

Speaking of H Variables and Does someone know of a good PDF to RTF converter? Would save me quite a bit of a hassle of writing out cross-tab reports when we already have generation thereof in PDF. Grr… So much to do, so many opportunities, and I feel like most are slipping through my fingers… [sigh] [some other completely unnecessary symbol that I use because I haven’t read in ages consequently having exponentially degenerating writing capabilities]
🙂

>:|
>:-(
|:-O
😮
:-* < — "And this… this is my happy face…"

(yeah… you know it's bad when Zoolander gets quoted)

Diary: Blading in Manhattan + Capoeira

Rollerblading in Manhattan is nothing short of awesome. Let’s see:
– 53rd and 9th down to Ave A and St. Mark’s – 25 mins (twice)
– 53rd and 9th down to Battery Park and up to 70s – (leisurly stroll)
– 53rd and 9th up to 96th and Riverside
– 96th and 3rd down to my 53rd and 9th – 20 mins

My back is loving me right about now… as are my firm thighs and muscular legs… and I bladed the last two in an athletic shirt (aka wifebeater, ugh… hate that name)… so tempting:

“Do I make you horny baby?” – thank you Austin Powers, you’ve secured my perversity, which was manifested today in my cliche entrance into a bar with the immediate reaction of being snubbed by a blonde. Wifebeater concealed by a loud and busy shirt at the time. All in all it was a surprisingly good night.

Minor Capoeira note: noticed today that it’s possible to change the finishing position by shifting the weight with respect to the base leg. Interesting to try it in the roda…