Diary: private life part deux?

Clarification on the last post: she should date, I should date does not include we should date each other necessarily.

I feel selfish. Like I am making decisions only for myself. And I don’t like it. Not bitching-and-moaning, just telling the truth. Had dinner with her yesterday, talked until late in the evening (overslept today, boss won’t be happy… well, I’ll be working from home until the next bus + they are not paying me enough to scrap my personal life 😛 ). The result is that I feel much calmer. Turns out we were both going nuts on Monday… as usual emotions seem to run in tandem.

I do feel like a case study for the wishy-washy jerk. At some point in the evening, there was a line “So you are asking me to be your girlfriend but want to date other girls?” complemented with an “Are you nuts?” look. How we managed to get to that sentence, don’t ask, but somehow it actually did flow from what was said previously. Smooth transition.

Well, in a way that is what I was asking for indirectly – an open relationship when we could date other people. Though ended up asking about that in a very indirect way, which makes sense: there is no way I could go straight to it cause I know how she feels about dating several people at the same time: “let me think… uhm… how about never?”

And I understand. I do think it’s a bit counterproductive to relationships, but I do love her and sacrificing dating (the purpose of which would be to make sure I am with the right person) is not really that big of a thing so long as I don’t develop a bad case of the upgrade syndrome. Which I don’t think will be the case given the nature of our relationship… at least if we don’t move too fast.

Anyway, given that I am out of commission for the time being on the physical romantic level, I think may be relaxed dating might be good. She moved out, I am calmer, our emotions evolved. Either that, or taking some time so that we could both date other people and then get back together if we still want to.

Hmm… something about all this is making me uneasy… perhaps it’s the fact that I am blogging about my personal life to whoever cares to read while I really should be working?


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4 responses to “Diary: private life part deux?

  1. having had too brief of a conversation with you on sunday, i decided to check out what you were stressing about. and look what i find …

    so this is a major crisis.

    i don’t mean to offer unsocilicited advice, but have you considered a committed hook-up? you do date 1 person, but thoroughly define boundaries as not to get overly serious too quickly. it gives you room to breathe, keep to your own devices, etc. but allows you to be with the person you really like. and it seems like this girl’s got you.

    from experience, it’s not a bad idea to try out ….

    • Anonymous

      You know, I talked to her yesterday, and it seems that it’s pretty much where we are heading. It’s just that I am paranoid about:

      a. hurting her again
      b. having an upgrade syndrome

      But things are looking up. We have a date tomorrow, and from there on, we’ll see 🙂

  2. lovely. i think you should try not to worry too much. do what feels right, try to not overthink it. i know it’s hard thing to ask of you … but i think this is the one thing you have to feel.

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