Musings: in the dark…

Again in the dark. Again eyes closed. Somehow I feel like this LJ thing has a therapeutic effect, even if confusing effect. For one thing, I constantly wonder whether I should post some stuff that is private… it’s private all right, but why would I not want you to know this? Because you’d judge me? Because sometimes it’s not up to me to divulge information?

Spent the evening with a friend of mine talking about her boyfriend and my ex. First evening hanging out after the official break-up with Lu… whom I really miss… she became so important to me I think… though not having other people around is very strange – I hate the idea of missing someone simply because there is a social void in my life. Is that why I miss her? Or perhaps I just got attached? I do get attached to people, but something is different here. And now I am torn between giving her a buzz to see if she’s ok, and keeping myself at bay because I am afraid that calling her would hurt her more than my being out of sight out of mind…

Perhaps all this is because I have too much time on my hands to think of all this. If there was some greater problem (and there are, I just remain oblivious), this would be pushed into the background – something I would remember on occasion when not spazzing over the problem at hand.

Anyway, I miss her, I worry about her, and it’s natural dammit. I never understood how couples can just tear themselves apart. What about the friendship? Though I’ve been wrong before, and may be wrong now. Wish there was some definitive answer to what I should do.

Well, 1 am. In the morning my head should clear up. Time for sleep…


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