Feels so good. Just 15 minutes on a treadmill and some really really really minor lifting, and it feels like there is nothing that a some good old excercise can’t fix. At least when it’s in the head…
Men… women… still a mystery. I feel like I am perpetually walking along a fine line between loving and being selfish… between being honest and taking care not to break something so delicate, fragile… Unable to give what is asked of me, yet afraid of losing.
Yet again, I discover, that the whole male-female thing needs to have a well-written manual. Preferably MRI-backed studies that would measure pain and pleasure from different actions. There must be some pain-free way to move through a relationship without hurting other people, yet I seem to be completely oblivious.
Don’t get me wrong, unlike before, I am not crying for help here… I am just lamenting about our general lack of knowledge on these matters. For instance, if you can’t be with someone for whatever reason, the traditional response is walk away, let him/her go… but why? Is there nothing more to life than “relationships”? We don’t know how to deal with the situation, so we often take the sure way out – complete segregation. Otherwise, you have “pain”, “selfish”, etc. echoing in your ears.
I just can’t understand. I accept that I am not smart to control the situation most of the time, and hence I must accent this strategy, but I can’t understand its wisdom… it just seems so… inhuman… yet how can I do things so that I don’t hurt the people I love? Can we hurt who we love? Is it still love if they can be hurt by us?
And all this was written in the span of the last 8 minutes. Back to work… speaking of, anybody needs a second-rate programmer? I might be looking for a job soon.