Monthly Archives: November 2005

Link: ZoomInfo

Cool link: www.zoominfo.com

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Diary: realization…

In addition to increasing comfort being a Chinese finger puzzle, I’ve realized something about myself and why I have such trouble with relationships: I must be sure of something to take a step. So if I am to enter a monogamous relationship, I have to be sure of it being right. But that’s half the trouble – the other half is far worse: ending the relationship, I have to be sure that ending it is the right thing to do. So it’s all mostly based on intuition…

Oh well… shower… walking Bishop at night is fun… strange… surreal a bit…

Money is a great stimulus… I am starting to understand why the rich fail… interesting to see the statistics of who succeeds. Highest probability of success: in need with education…

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Diary: progress report…

I feel… I feel like writing something random, I feel like not stopping and just rambling on because really I don’t have much to say as my hair needs a shave and I am just about to call this crap art but really I am not high in fact I don’t do drugs and it’s cool by me like the ice cube rolling down your stomach cause we all think about sex anyway but it’s overrated what the hell am I talking about?

Existential… beautiful… art, I tell you, pure, unadultrated art is what is above. Stand in front of it long enough and you’ll learn to appreciate the complexity of bullshit. Bullshit without commas. How can people produce so much of it? They close themselves in their little worlds, take buckets of paint, and then impose their genius self-expression upon an innocent canvas and an unsuspecting art-lover-wannabe strolling around in Chelsea. It’s not art. It’s psychology. Now there there can be something interesting… although, more often than not, it’s a process of improvisation – looking at art is like meeting someone beautiful, but incredibly stupid: the them (or the artist) not speak so that they don’t ruin the good first impression.

Speaking of impression, interesting thing: I’ve been impressed by Mad Money (www.madmoneyrecap.com) and been casually investing… lost some, won some. Net positive. At present am in CNC, MSFT, and NTRI. Why? Sigh… My, enough, no more rhyme:
CNC – Mad Money made sense, ended up buying on the low, made 30% or so
MSFT – gut feeling it will go up. Intuition. Giant MSFT at 27? Something strange.
NTRI – Mad Money, looks like can only go up. Plus the health craze is where things are going anyway.

He mentioned GOOG and YHOO in one sentence. One is 400 the other is 40… Thinking of switching out of MSFT and into YHOO.

I think the best advice I’ve ever read about the stock market is “Never try to turn a bad trade into a good one”. Got burned on IRBT – got in too late on the IPO, didn’t get out in time. Need to set up automatic thresholds with stocks like that…

Anyway, playing with this stuff is actually surprisingly fun. I’ve noticed that if I choose something because the idea sounds good + I think it’s the trend, more often than not, I end up being right. It’s like betting on trends… And if I can make some $ in the process? My life revolves around $ now. $ and women. $, women (or rather one woman, who’s been occupying my mind for the past week solid), and… of course debauchery manifesting in sex, drugs, and rock-and-roll… all the size of one cubicle.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Link: read all blogs you want…

Reader.google.com

Still in Beta, but I like…

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Diary: of men and women…

Well, Dashka came from Israel… haven’t seen her in… uhm… last time we saw each other was when we still lived in the crappy apartments, so that would be somewhere in the vicinity of 93… or did she come to visit when I lived on Enfield? Anyway… regardless, strangely feels like no time has passed at all… or perhaps it’s an assumed good will? Or illusion thereof?

She did have a very calming effect on my head with regard to Lu, though… made me realize I am trying too hard… Lu talked of breaking up with me yesterday… hell, I think she did break up with me, although I am not entirely sure, so am taking things slow. Ilya accused me of being a masochist… and, come to think of it, with good reason: many of my relationships ended up in similar situations… They want to be with me, I am not sure. I want to relax and find out letting things either heat up or cool down as they might. They want a direct yes/no answer. I start stressing over being unable to give a clear answer, they start stressing over not getting it, we all start stressing and at some point the fun is gone… and then it’s like trying to patch up a falling house of cards – the more we try, the worse things go. Like the Chinese finger trap – the harder you pull, the more it grips…

Although sitting here, letting Lu slip through my fingers, I want to yell “No, that’s wrong! If she’s gone, she might be gone forever!” followed by a proper tantrum beating my fists against the monitor… but if I pull, I might be the one to push… so I can only do one thing, offer my romantic monogamous friendship… or bf/gf relationship… or whatever, these definitions only confuse me: monogamous is fine. Bf/gf used to imply very serious intent in my mind. Now turns out it’s just two people enjoying each other’s company with the possibility of something serious…

Though, with Lu, there are other circumstances… I recently found out I am a proud owner of cold sores… nothing extraordinary (80% of people have them) and would not get in the way with anyone else, but Lu has a skin condition when she constantly itches… so I am terrified that if she gets this crap from me (and there is no cure as of yet), this could cause her health complications… not cool… so we haven’t properly kissed in ages, I am paranoid of touching her anywhere where, if I am contagious, it could infect her… I guess I should have a chat with my doctor…

Anyway, it looks like she’s going to ditch me… might even have an upgrade available… so long as we’re both happy in the long run… so hard to stand by the “what’s meant to be can’t be avoided” belief I’ve always held…

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Link: Monkey Business

http://www.killsometime.com/Video/video.asp?ID=368

Oh man… I had tears in my eyes by the end I was laughing so hard…

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Diary: cashless romantic?

Not having money does great things to me… it realigns my senses, makes me appreciate things more. Makes me a “more effecient member of this society” (read: I’ve been selling CD’s that I haven’t been listening to on eBay). My room feels pleasantly empty… Room to breathe, room to think. And it’s not just lack of Lu’s pictures on my wall that clears my mind – it’s a complete change of my room from cluttered to organize, even if minimalistic. It’s interesting that I can blog about Lu – she doesn’t read English very well and it’s highly unlikely she would come accross this blog… which gives me a strange sense of being able to be honest without fear of hurting her feelings… and if she does read this, which would not be altogether bad, because she would have to accept this as my thoughts without judging me. As for merits to myself, this blog is priceless – my thoughts seem to aqcuire this strange crystal-like quality when I am forced to express them… a bit depressing that it would take a medium as ineffecient as this one to bring clarity… in a couple of decades self-expression will hopefully dramatically change with written form looking like counting on an abacus…

Anyway, Lu just called. She seems convinced that I am cheating on her. Absolutely convinced. And it’s very considerate of her to say stuff to the tune of “I know you are at some girl’s place, I still want to see you.” but it really is starting to get old. Cause if we are dating openly, then we are dating openly. If we are not, then we are not. I am under the impression that we are not. Yet it seems she wants me to play the game of lying for her sake, which is not something I am interested in doing… at least not until I know the rules to this game, if it is indeed a game.

2 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized