Can’t sleep. Can’t think straight. Sometimes shit happens that makes us re-evaluate everything we believe in. It also makes us… no, fuck that… it makes me realize how much I value my friends. I’ve never needed anyone really – always self-sufficient with the exception of the normal human longing for that elusive, if not non-existent, significant other. Yet now, after some things happened in my personal life that leave me gasping for air, for the first time in my life I am truly grateful for the friends I have. Some who know what’s going on… some silent… some of the same flesh and blood… some not… yet all there, an unshakable foundation I may have even selfishly have seen to be a piedestal on occasion… until recently, when my house of cards came crashing down testing my moral and mental resiliency. And for the first time in my life, I see no shame in turning to friends for support… For the first time I don’t feel like I am in a movie about Nikita, but rather that this is life – real and brutal.
For the first time in a long while I feel I am not showing off, I am not being dramatic, I am not adopting my behavior to what I think others might perceive me as. For the first time I feel I am doing the best I can… dealing with the situation the best I know how…
Anyway, to all my friends, at the risk of sounding corny, thank you. Even if I have not spoken to you for a while, even if we have each gone our separate ways, I am thankful you exist and that, if I really need you, I intuitively know you will be there for me.
And the strange thing is that things are really not THAT bad if one looks at it from a cold-rational point of view… or rather, they could get a LOT worse.