Reality check.

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I started reading The Great Gatsby. The gorgeous writing, allegories drawing beautiful associations lead my mind in all sorts of directions. First thought – the children are taught incorrectly. The education system destroys a child, leaving an adult (me) but a mere shadow of the potential. Then to the pointlessness of my existence – the character, miserable in his West egg, with people he doesn’t particularly like, his honest self-perception that might be mistaken for egotism and conceit… There is so much I could/should do… where the fuck am I going?

As I am writing this – one thought: private life. Who are you to read these personal thoughts? The only point of that private life is to give its owner a feeling of being special – a sun-roof, if you will. A sun roof is an amazing concept – every time I open mine, I feel special. The incredible thing is that everyone feels the same way simply because everyone does not see everyone else’s sun roof and so it becomes a privelege to own one. Private life – everyone has one, nobody sees anyone else’s: it makes you special. As the saying goes “You are unique. Just like everybody else.” The sad reality is that my private life isn’t worth a dime, and the strong silent exterior is not a facade, but a canvas with a 2 sentence long short-term memory behind it. So who are you to read these thoughts? I’ll make a pretense at sarcasm: you are someone with a private life. Chuckle chuckle.

Perhaps I am cranky due to irregular sleeping patterns. Perhaps I am losing my sense of humor because I am sexually and emotionally unsatisfied. Perhaps it is because I have access to incredible resources, incredible technology, and am now bitching instead of tapping into that potential. Whatever the reason may be, right now I am bitter. Perhaps it is because I, along with NATO and UN, have all these resources, am in the 21st century, but still have genocides taking place. Perhaps because I feel like I hold the key to that, which can resolve the political dichotomy of “right vs. power” thus alleviating those problems.

And all these thoughts are exposed to the reader of my lj. Here I am – naked. I think I am humorlessly regressing into a pre-pubescent rebellion stage.

Definitely need to take a look at my diet.

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